Why Happiness is a Dumb Goal
In this episode, Sam defines happiness and joy and explains where they come from. Sam critiques happiness as a goal. She talks about ways to bring joy into your life and maintain it and how joy can help you get through the bad times.
Please engage in a conversation via comments on @smartveghead or to smartveghead@gmail.com.
What brings you joy?
What is a common thread between people that brings them joy?
How have you held on to joy through hardship and pain?
Episode 4 related to gratitude
Transcript (autogenerated):
Hi everyone, this is Sam Homberg. Welcome to learning and unlearning.
00:13
This is a place for authentic discussions only. We talk about self improvement Wellness relationships. And some interesting life events. Come on in.
00:34
Hi, what is the difference between joy and hapiness? Hapiness is an emotion that is released through chemicals in your brain an it happens after a positive or pleasant event. There are four brain chemicals that are released that have to do with hapiness. One is endorphins, we know about those especially through exercise or another quick physical activity like a cold shower. Serotonin is. A deeper happiness level that has to do usually with accomplishing a great task like graduating or finishing a race you've built up to that moment. Over a long time. Oxytocin is a physical hapiness chemical that has to do with physical touch or lovey dovey feelings. Dopamine is the last chemical in your brain about hapiness and it is more about repeated events or. A quick accomplishment. Checking something off a list or receiving a like on your picture on Instagram. Joy is totally different. Joy is a gladness not based on circumstance. You don't need something to happen to release chemicals in your brain to feel joy. You can carry joy with you anywhere. It is regardless of circumstance, regardless of your situation in life. And so when people say that they want to be happy in life. You you don't have full control over that, so you can be happy sometimes and expect to be unhappy other times. If your goal in life is to be happy, it will not be sustained. You can't be happy every day. You can have joy. You can keep joy, hold joy, find joy and have joy as a consistent piece of your life. And that is why being happy. Is a dumb goal. There's this one quote that I remember. Sing on the Internet a lot and it's. Attributed to John Lennon, it says when I was five years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted
03:00
to be when I grew up, I wrote down happy. They told me I didn't understand the assignment and I told them they didn't understand life. OK, whether this is a true story or not about John Lennon's life there. Is something I have a problem with that story. I guess I just don't see happiness as a specific enough goal. It's not sustainable, and so for a child to say it at school instead of akarere, fine, that's a nice idea. But for someone to say that and hope that they can actually achieve it is actually not possible. It's it's unfortunate, but it's a foolish goal to have. There are parents who say I don't care what my child does, I just want them to be happy. Well, if we were more specific. Pet the parents know that life is hard and there are things and hardships that you can't avoid. So wanting your child to be happy is what wanting their life to have no negative events and struggles. It's not going to happen. So hoping for someone to find joy or be joyful. Have joy is a lot more realistic and I will tell you why joy is more realistic, because when you think about how to achieve joy, it has to do with satisfaction or feeling enoughness. So is what you have in your life enough? Or is the love in your life enough? Are you enough? When that answer is yes, then you're able to have joy. And that feeling of. Fullness, no matter what's going on. Joy doesn't rely on circumstances to create it, so joy can't be swayed when bad things arise and they will joy can be present an remain because of the way that
05:00
people view their lives. It's really about perspective when you live. In a perspective of being grateful for your life. And grateful for the love you encounter. And submitting to. God or faint or. Your circumstances. And also feeling ownership over your life and your choices. Then you're able to. Find more peace and stop chasing things. When you chase something. You're looking for Hapiness, and you might even become sidetracked like happiness and joy. Don't necessarily go together because happiness can be a distraction from joy. Hapiness is looking for the next thing. The next thing to make me happy. The next sort of hit or release or thrill while. That isn't satisfying because once you have that hit release or thrill it goes away and you have to keep searching joy with joy. You're not searching for anything. You're probably understanding the difference between the words happiness and joy and the definitions. I'm sure you also understand that happiness is more about feeding your ego and chasing after things that don't last. Enjoy is not and it's lasting, but. Unless I give you some ways to create joy or maintain joy in your life, it's not going to be a helpful podcast episode so. Some ways to create joy in your life and maintain it. Are to examine what you have in your life and find things that you are grateful for. You can repeatedly do a gratitude practice. I actually have a gratitude episode that suggests how to practice gratitude and there are
07:00
some unique ideas that I hadn't heard of before I researched for the episode. A lot of joy is about your mind, mind over matter, so finding something that. Makes you laugh and noting what makes you laugh and then trying to get more of that in your life. It's not the same as happiness because you're not chasing after something. It's just like I know this makes me laugh and I'm going to bring laughter into my life and that laughter can exist even among the bad times. It's the little things in life that when we appreciate them when we notice them and when we thank others for bringing them into our lives. We're noticing more positives that exist in our life that are. Significant in meaning and what they bring to us. But sometimes when we're chasing big things or only thinking about what we wish our lives were like or the things that we're trying to achieve or obtain, we forget about. So little things that make you laugh or make you feel loved or remind you that someone is with you. Surround yourself with those things. Maybe it's photographs. Maybe it's a memory that just makes you laugh, and maybe it's your friends. You know, if you intentionally build time to spend time with people who reminds you of these things and have great outlooks that you're trying to model after. Then you'll have more of joy in your life because that person is helping you get there. You're not doing it by yourself. Connected to the little things is self care. Self love it is self care is self respect. Self care is sort of a big word nowadays that people might think is a privilege and. It is what it shouldn't be. You know we should be able to take time for ourselves
09:00
and not get burnt out. Providing for all the people around us and ignoring our own needs and wants. Self care and self love and self respect are creating time for yourself and noting what is good for you. What rejuvenates you gives you energy, sometimes people. Neglect the little things that. They don't need when life is hard, but creating routines of self care will create habits of self care so that when life is hard you're still taking care of yourself and doing those small things in your day, whether it's. Exercise or skin care. Or reading a book taking time alone. Going to appointments. You know, having a smoothie? That's that's a tree, whatever it is. Having those things as habits of taking care of yourself will help you when things aren't easy. Ann happinesses. Definitely not right around the corner. Once you've got those self care routines down, if you have the time and it's the right moment in life to sign up for volunteerism or donating or some type of charity. And that brings a lot of joy to people when they see what their efforts do to help others, and they see how they can positively affect someone elses life. Lot of people can also find joy in being true to themselves. True to yourself, you know can have a lot of meetings. But participating in events that feel like you feel like things that are important to you or doing things you're passionate about, are really the ways that you stay true to yourself. When life is really hard and we go through things that are. Mum, huge struggles when we have outlooks on life that are focused on
11:00
joy. Focused on what we have focused on, who we are, and finding satisfaction in those things. Then we know that there's hope it's going to make it easier to go through those really hard times when you know who you are, what you're here for, who loves you. What you're grateful for? You'll have that joy to carry you through. It might not feel happy. But the joy is a more steady thing. There's no opposite to joy. If you don't have joy, doesn't, it doesn't mean that you're super unhappy. Joy just exists in is available to you for happiness and and unhappiness or sadness are opposites. And so when you don't have one, you probably have the other. So in those hard times you have sadness. Or unhappiness. But you can also have joy simultaneously. And that joy is the hope that's going to carry you through and help you find delight in the circumstance or find positives among the negatives. Find hope among the devastation. I'd really like to look more into this topic and think more about joy and put into some of some of these ideas into practice in my life. And so I'm wondering if you would. Answer What does joy mean to you and where do you draw joy in your life? What brings you joy, and how do you maintain it? I'm very curious because I have been my whole life frustrated with people saying that they want to be happy. It just doesn't feel like enough or doesn't feel real or doable and. And I've explained why here with the meanings of the words and how they how happiness comes out. And how it can go away? And then you're waiting for something
13:00
to happen. In order for you to be happy again, so I'd like to know what makes you joyful. What advice do you have for others? I'm just here to learn and unlearn with you. So please make it a conversation by responding on smart veg head. Or sending me an email. Smartveghead@gmail.com and let me know. Thanks guys. Much love, Sam.
